hitori

when i brokeup with ayun, i thought it would be easy to forget him by changing my numbers, and stop contacting everyone who knows him. so i send an sms to ieda saying im sorry and that sort, and i think she got pissed off with me. Now san is acting weird to, or i am acting weird. my friends havent msg me saying whats up and all. maybe they're busy.but the point is

i feel lonely

and im back,getting close to ayun, as if we never broke up. i do not know whether i still hvae feeling for him or not. but im clingy on him now.

losing ayun

We brokeup, i asked for it. ANd i cant believe its still am happening.
I asked as i couldnt stand the pressure and the fighting and the disagreement.
Im too hard headed and egoish in a way
I miss him so bad but its all over
He asked me if we could still be friends
and i wanted to, really i want to, but half of me say dont, u cant and all
so im stuck inbetween
i want him, to hold him again
but i guess its all too late to turn back?
Im confusing myself, i cry everytime i remember our sweetest moment together
not that i cry 24/7 but i always always cry when i remeber him
holding my hand, kissing me softly,
cliche i know lah
and its hard, so so hard for me to go to all thru this
4 or 5 years of us knowing each other
4 or 5 years worth of memories,
and this august is our 2nd anni, and we had, or i had plans for that.
GOD. help me thru this

last movie: Get Smart
the last kiss was superb

but the most i cant forget
and it kept replaying in my head even i try hard to shake it off,
is the last, the very last look he looked at me,
those eyes, those moment
it never fails to make me cry
over and over again