Yesterday i went for the training for the January job, and they give me a shirt that is quite fit, i think i really have to lose weight from now. it's terrible, im having double chin now..muiyee
After the training i went to see ayun (= and we didnt do nothing much, didnt even watch movie, i didnt have the mood. Plus i was sweating and all, and i was quite cranky. sorry sayang. My mum and my sister went to watch Australia in midvalley, and i didnt join them. Anyway dinner was at pavi, i ate the laksa and then we bought J.co donuts, ok now im donut-crazee. i want to go there another time and eat there, hee.
I remember to promise my friends to buy them J.co donuts if ever i got MARA loan, but sadly i didnt get it..
ok im so blur and my mind is not working straight.heh
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
yeah,its christmas baby
I never knew that blogspot have this setting so only bloggers can view my blog, from now on, no more pengacau reading and reporting. yahoo (thanks to tg.aishah for telling me.syg mu )
my friend, tg aishah came over and stayed , and i think she's bored with me =( cuz seriously im not a very good entertainer, unless if ayun's around. boo to myself.
Today i went out to my uncle's (uncle Alfred) place and celebrate christmas and i went to Uncle Paul's place. I ate at uncle Alfred but not at Uncle Paul. Every year we usually celebrate at Uncle Alfred's place, and when i went to Uncle paul's place, i became so blur because i didnt know anyone, including uncle paul. Even thought we are related ( i think) i cant even find a piece of my memory seeing his face, and i played Black Jack and i win 3 bucks. yipee.
Right now im tired and i really wanna see Ayun. What's with him that i'm so addicted to see him every single day *sigh*
*i'l edit later cuz nak mandi and cant wait to see my sayangness*
my friend, tg aishah came over and stayed , and i think she's bored with me =( cuz seriously im not a very good entertainer, unless if ayun's around. boo to myself.
Today i went out to my uncle's (uncle Alfred) place and celebrate christmas and i went to Uncle Paul's place. I ate at uncle Alfred but not at Uncle Paul. Every year we usually celebrate at Uncle Alfred's place, and when i went to Uncle paul's place, i became so blur because i didnt know anyone, including uncle paul. Even thought we are related ( i think) i cant even find a piece of my memory seeing his face, and i played Black Jack and i win 3 bucks. yipee.
Right now im tired and i really wanna see Ayun. What's with him that i'm so addicted to see him every single day *sigh*
*i'l edit later cuz nak mandi and cant wait to see my sayangness*
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Tom
aww he's sick. batu karang thats why he's having trouble peeing.My mum and my little sis (amy) went to the vet and the vet insert a tube at his..umm..well im not sure what it is called, and pump all his pee.and amy says its unbelievable large amount of pee the vet pump out, and it stinks like hell. now tom is on meds, thats explain why his face looks like puss-in-boots, because he wants to get out from the cage/.plus He doesnt really want to take the meds, he vomit back all the meds, but we paksa him anyway, only 9 days to go until he can see the vet again. *poor tom*
Monday, December 22, 2008
privacy
Sometimes, i like to have my own privacy, from my family. i hate it when someone check my history so to know where i've surf the internet. Dont you just hate this kind of people in your family? not that they just invade my privacy, but even tell my mum about it. if my sister is ok, she doesnt really make a big fuss about it, but yeah, penyibuk always be penyibuk
i got my thumb terkepit with the car door less then two months ago, the day i got high. and its growing so slowly..........seriously.if you can see the picture of my thumb below, you'll see the obvious yellow colour nail. i can actually take it out because its like double layer, but i didnt want too because its still attached to my nail. lol.. what am i blabbing about i also dont know
i had a trip to PD with my college, and it was fun, i cant really tell much about it, because im scared the penyibuk will read, and tell my mum, and its a sad think dont u think. tsk2. my blog is like a private thing which i have to keep it to myself now. i'll figure out a way for the penyibuk not to read.maybe delte my history for this blog. we'll see how it goes. anyone of you have facebook? i upload loads and loads of picture in facebook, and you'll get the idea how fun the trip is. muiiiyeee. i wish i have my own laptop, so people wont bug to see my history *sigh*
my bestfriend tengku aishah maybe staying over at my place tonight and tomorrow night, see how it goes lah, maybe we're going for christmas shopping(when i say this, i mean that she shops alone XP i'm broke).tee hee hee. i thought of like going to melaka for the new year but im not hoping about it, im scared i might not have enuf money....hurm....
i got my thumb terkepit with the car door less then two months ago, the day i got high. and its growing so slowly..........seriously.if you can see the picture of my thumb below, you'll see the obvious yellow colour nail. i can actually take it out because its like double layer, but i didnt want too because its still attached to my nail. lol.. what am i blabbing about i also dont know
i had a trip to PD with my college, and it was fun, i cant really tell much about it, because im scared the penyibuk will read, and tell my mum, and its a sad think dont u think. tsk2. my blog is like a private thing which i have to keep it to myself now. i'll figure out a way for the penyibuk not to read.maybe delte my history for this blog. we'll see how it goes. anyone of you have facebook? i upload loads and loads of picture in facebook, and you'll get the idea how fun the trip is. muiiiyeee. i wish i have my own laptop, so people wont bug to see my history *sigh*
my bestfriend tengku aishah maybe staying over at my place tonight and tomorrow night, see how it goes lah, maybe we're going for christmas shopping(when i say this, i mean that she shops alone XP i'm broke).tee hee hee. i thought of like going to melaka for the new year but im not hoping about it, im scared i might not have enuf money....hurm....
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
sex drug and clubs
ok i steal the title from youth discussion.
Sex is ok, but random sex is so wrong,
Drugs is never ok unless for medical purpose (like people with cancer)
and clubs is ok if youth behave
Seriously, day by day we get things out of hand. Problems from families, and run away to club to have fun, take drugs to forget problems and tomorrow just wakeup with some random chick or random guy beside. GROSS. seriously, we youth are not responsible, hello, AIDS is on the high rise in Malaysia, and girls, we can easily get HPV.
Responsibilities. One you got it, you can never turn back. And most of us just, forget about responsibilities, we usually just follow our heart. ANd most of the time, its stupid and wrong
I;m stupid and wrong too.remember the drugs i took, yeah i got high and wanting to kill myself, what if i'd kill myself, *sigh*, i havent see the wonders of the world yet.
My friend just recently went to UK, and he's from a rich but religious family, and now i heard he's clubbing and drinking. sucks, it hurts to see him. If i had a chance to go to UK, i seriously just dont get into trouble. I'd be so glad my parents can send me there. He just dont realise he's so lucky to get a chance to go there, enjoy life and life life to the fullest. Instead, he waste it
I know another girl, she's from a very rich family, and she have a heart failure or something. Even when she's a baby, the doctor had to operate her heart in order to keep her alive. and she drink. seriously if she's my friend i would slap her. She's just wasting her time, if she just want to die faster i can help her.Like i stab her with a knife or something. TO hear her she's taking drugs and alcohol, it's just sad.
And rich daughter and son are MOSTLY like this. Ada problem sikit, then turn to pills, alcohol, clubs, sex
And this rich buggers starting to irritate me.
Like, seriously
Sex is ok, but random sex is so wrong,
Drugs is never ok unless for medical purpose (like people with cancer)
and clubs is ok if youth behave
Seriously, day by day we get things out of hand. Problems from families, and run away to club to have fun, take drugs to forget problems and tomorrow just wakeup with some random chick or random guy beside. GROSS. seriously, we youth are not responsible, hello, AIDS is on the high rise in Malaysia, and girls, we can easily get HPV.
Responsibilities. One you got it, you can never turn back. And most of us just, forget about responsibilities, we usually just follow our heart. ANd most of the time, its stupid and wrong
I;m stupid and wrong too.remember the drugs i took, yeah i got high and wanting to kill myself, what if i'd kill myself, *sigh*, i havent see the wonders of the world yet.
My friend just recently went to UK, and he's from a rich but religious family, and now i heard he's clubbing and drinking. sucks, it hurts to see him. If i had a chance to go to UK, i seriously just dont get into trouble. I'd be so glad my parents can send me there. He just dont realise he's so lucky to get a chance to go there, enjoy life and life life to the fullest. Instead, he waste it
I know another girl, she's from a very rich family, and she have a heart failure or something. Even when she's a baby, the doctor had to operate her heart in order to keep her alive. and she drink. seriously if she's my friend i would slap her. She's just wasting her time, if she just want to die faster i can help her.Like i stab her with a knife or something. TO hear her she's taking drugs and alcohol, it's just sad.
And rich daughter and son are MOSTLY like this. Ada problem sikit, then turn to pills, alcohol, clubs, sex
And this rich buggers starting to irritate me.
Like, seriously
new phone
Abg John lost his phone in China, he was using Nokia Communicator. SO kak jackie gave her phone to him , and i gave back the phone that kak jackie gave to me. So i bought a new phone, sony ericsson k800i.
And yes im in love with my phone. It's my "husband" now
*winks*
And yes im in love with my phone. It's my "husband" now
*winks*
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
shrink
Tomorrow at 3pm.
Im not too proud of saying im going for counseling treatment, instead i feel dreadful if anyone know, it's like im crazy or sumthing, like im going to rehab.
But it does help alot. finally i have somebody to talk to, where i can tell about everything, and hide nothing. and i feel much better. i havent feel like much of smoking today, maybe partly because my tonsil is going again.lol
i had a talk with mum saying i really wanna go to study in UK. She of course support of my idea, but she really like me to go to US. Thats remind me of, she's trying to get my cousin's friends email so i can get to know them, she's trying to "pasang" me with one of them. Its crazy, my cousin is already is 30 plus if im not mistaken, even tho he's staying in California, *ehem, maybe exception if he have a celebraty friend XP* but my mum is like so into the idea, she even call my aunt and talk about this and all. its kinda embarrassing lol. im only 20 still...
bleh.right now i wanna concentrate one thing at a time..
studies, relationship, time and money
Im not too proud of saying im going for counseling treatment, instead i feel dreadful if anyone know, it's like im crazy or sumthing, like im going to rehab.
But it does help alot. finally i have somebody to talk to, where i can tell about everything, and hide nothing. and i feel much better. i havent feel like much of smoking today, maybe partly because my tonsil is going again.lol
i had a talk with mum saying i really wanna go to study in UK. She of course support of my idea, but she really like me to go to US. Thats remind me of, she's trying to get my cousin's friends email so i can get to know them, she's trying to "pasang" me with one of them. Its crazy, my cousin is already is 30 plus if im not mistaken, even tho he's staying in California, *ehem, maybe exception if he have a celebraty friend XP* but my mum is like so into the idea, she even call my aunt and talk about this and all. its kinda embarrassing lol. im only 20 still...
bleh.right now i wanna concentrate one thing at a time..
studies, relationship, time and money
Monday, December 8, 2008
stronger&better
well im bored today, i completely waste my time sleeping. i slept around 12.30am, and woke up around 11am. and its raining so i slept again at 2pm or so, then wakeup at 5.30pm. tsk tsk. too much sleep dont u think?
Today nothing, even thought its hari raya korban i feel there is nothing to do. No one to stop by at our house anyway,
im used to it, even in raya. Relatives are mostly chinese, so why bother to come and eat meat, they cant eat meat.
Going back to Terengganu was so much fun. I met all buddies, laugh,jokes and talk about stuff. then i visit the beach and stuff.. gosh i wish i stayed longer. but its rainy season so it wouldnt be much fun. i wish to go back during the middle next year and enjoy the sun. funny huh, i should get use to the rainy cold whether if i wanna go study in UK.
Friday is my appointment for working during the weekend job. I hope i just, you know, stick to this job longer. some more can work in kajang, shouldt be much of a problem, i hope
next semester im going to take 3 subjects. 3 subjects so i can cope, and hope i can concentrate and not fall apart like this year.
smoking, so far its been a week i haven't smoke, but i do cheat abit. i smoke only abit, itu pun with ayun consent. and, i really miss it. like seriously, i know its unhealthy, and ayun kept saying i put cigarettes as my first priority, but he know its not true.bleh. i have to stop for good. but now i feel like a drug addict. like i really want to smoke but i cant. i have to stop
so thats it for today.my mind is rusty today because i havent do much thinking today, i've been so bored because i just still at home, sleep and laze around
i do think my blog is a bit boring because i keep saying about me aje. not like i need to talk bout other people, just that my life is abit.. well, colourful in away, but mostly dull
i wanna be stronger and better, for myself and my life
Today nothing, even thought its hari raya korban i feel there is nothing to do. No one to stop by at our house anyway,
im used to it, even in raya. Relatives are mostly chinese, so why bother to come and eat meat, they cant eat meat.
Going back to Terengganu was so much fun. I met all buddies, laugh,jokes and talk about stuff. then i visit the beach and stuff.. gosh i wish i stayed longer. but its rainy season so it wouldnt be much fun. i wish to go back during the middle next year and enjoy the sun. funny huh, i should get use to the rainy cold whether if i wanna go study in UK.
Friday is my appointment for working during the weekend job. I hope i just, you know, stick to this job longer. some more can work in kajang, shouldt be much of a problem, i hope
next semester im going to take 3 subjects. 3 subjects so i can cope, and hope i can concentrate and not fall apart like this year.
smoking, so far its been a week i haven't smoke, but i do cheat abit. i smoke only abit, itu pun with ayun consent. and, i really miss it. like seriously, i know its unhealthy, and ayun kept saying i put cigarettes as my first priority, but he know its not true.bleh. i have to stop for good. but now i feel like a drug addict. like i really want to smoke but i cant. i have to stop
so thats it for today.my mind is rusty today because i havent do much thinking today, i've been so bored because i just still at home, sleep and laze around
i do think my blog is a bit boring because i keep saying about me aje. not like i need to talk bout other people, just that my life is abit.. well, colourful in away, but mostly dull
i wanna be stronger and better, for myself and my life
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Pieces of my life
I like to fantasize alot, most of my life is day dreaming. In my earlier years, i always dream that i'd be in better place, what i'd be like if i have another parents, what i wasnt born. hah sound depressing lol
well i'm still dreaming about it, thinking about it, if only my parents gave me away, maybe i'll be better off, even tho right now i;d curse my parents for giving me away.
I'm dreaming now, to have my own car, to drive around and travel. When i went back to Terengganu, i almost cried. I never knew i;d miss it so much, the wind, gently blow my hair, even though it;s "serabut", but i like it. i will always love the beach. Part of my life, and most of my life, i would like to spend it on traveling. driving, flying, walking, sight seeing, all i would love to do. sometimes i just wish im taller and prettier so i can be a stewardess. so i can visit the 7-wonders of the world, see paris, go to anywhere and everywhere.
but this is, just a dream. a dream that i must pursue one day. a dream that i'd hold on until i'll get it.
oh yeah, i also dream that i'd study in UK, seriously im jealous my friends went there to study.huh. i wish my parents is rich. hah. dreaming again.
i'm going to take it the hard way, i wanna work on weekends, next semester i'd only take 3 subjects, and this time i'm going to do it properly. im going to study really hard, and play around less. im going to catch my dream, one step at a time.
when the time comes, i'll leave. i'll leave
everything behind, except for my dreams. Then
i'll fly, fly high to blue sky, and i'll never look back.
well i'm still dreaming about it, thinking about it, if only my parents gave me away, maybe i'll be better off, even tho right now i;d curse my parents for giving me away.
I'm dreaming now, to have my own car, to drive around and travel. When i went back to Terengganu, i almost cried. I never knew i;d miss it so much, the wind, gently blow my hair, even though it;s "serabut", but i like it. i will always love the beach. Part of my life, and most of my life, i would like to spend it on traveling. driving, flying, walking, sight seeing, all i would love to do. sometimes i just wish im taller and prettier so i can be a stewardess. so i can visit the 7-wonders of the world, see paris, go to anywhere and everywhere.
but this is, just a dream. a dream that i must pursue one day. a dream that i'd hold on until i'll get it.
oh yeah, i also dream that i'd study in UK, seriously im jealous my friends went there to study.huh. i wish my parents is rich. hah. dreaming again.
i'm going to take it the hard way, i wanna work on weekends, next semester i'd only take 3 subjects, and this time i'm going to do it properly. im going to study really hard, and play around less. im going to catch my dream, one step at a time.
everything behind, except for my dreams. Then
i'll fly, fly high to blue sky, and i'll never look back.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Everybody Loves Irene- pit
this is the best to describe my feelings right now.
the part said "She said everything is just a fantasy." is the best to decribe. even thought
everything feels a fantasy, but i know this is reality
and reality, its sucks.thats why i need a fantasy for me to survive...
Something wrong with me.
Can you help me please.
Its gloomy everywhere
I only sit and i stare.
I cant say anything
i cant do anything.
Something i dont know.
Shoot me like an arrow.
She said everything is just a fantasy.
But i need it to set me free.
I know it hurts but im addicted.
Should i leave u when u make me complete.
and now i'm trapped inside the box
now i'm trapped inside the box
i know it hurts but i cant stop,
i know it hurts but i cant stop,
i know it hurts but i cant stop,
i know it hurts but i cant.....
STOP!
the part said "She said everything is just a fantasy." is the best to decribe. even thought
everything feels a fantasy, but i know this is reality
and reality, its sucks.thats why i need a fantasy for me to survive...
Something wrong with me.
Can you help me please.
Its gloomy everywhere
I only sit and i stare.
I cant say anything
i cant do anything.
Something i dont know.
Shoot me like an arrow.
She said everything is just a fantasy.
But i need it to set me free.
I know it hurts but im addicted.
Should i leave u when u make me complete.
and now i'm trapped inside the box
now i'm trapped inside the box
i know it hurts but i cant stop,
i know it hurts but i cant stop,
i know it hurts but i cant stop,
i know it hurts but i cant.....
STOP!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
petrol
ok i cant really understand what the government is doing now.is confusing..first of all when the petrol prices shoot up everybody lining up to the petrol station,and not to mention the line is like friggin long, then everybody voice out their "satisfactions" and all. seriously, we Malaysian are really manja. we want everything cheap, the best is free lah, kan?
i always disagreeing government subsidies so much for petrol, because it feel that the rich will get the benefits too. what about poor people who cant afford cars and only can naik bus and train? equally, i feel that the subsidies money is better to spend on making low cost houses and such. plus, i feel government should subsides more on food, because everybody will buy and eat kan? like rice, flour etc
*sigh*
also i think its toooooooooooo much cars in KL. sum times can stuck in the jam for hours and we malaysian are not patient enough, everybody wants to go fast and all.
seriously they should naikkan balik the petrol price so that people wont go out alot with cars.hehe
but then i kinda hate people who starting to use public transportation. last year,whenever i want to go to kl, there are not much people.. except for weekends. now, even weekdays, i feel like so lazy to go out because i know i'm going to get crammed up.. huh
but to be a malaysian, i am glad that the petrol price went down. i can isi minyak and go jalan jalan. lala
i always disagreeing government subsidies so much for petrol, because it feel that the rich will get the benefits too. what about poor people who cant afford cars and only can naik bus and train? equally, i feel that the subsidies money is better to spend on making low cost houses and such. plus, i feel government should subsides more on food, because everybody will buy and eat kan? like rice, flour etc
*sigh*
also i think its toooooooooooo much cars in KL. sum times can stuck in the jam for hours and we malaysian are not patient enough, everybody wants to go fast and all.
seriously they should naikkan balik the petrol price so that people wont go out alot with cars.hehe
but then i kinda hate people who starting to use public transportation. last year,whenever i want to go to kl, there are not much people.. except for weekends. now, even weekdays, i feel like so lazy to go out because i know i'm going to get crammed up.. huh
but to be a malaysian, i am glad that the petrol price went down. i can isi minyak and go jalan jalan. lala
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
sick.sick.sick
i got sore throat yesterday,light headache and a really bad cold and today i feel like wanna pengsan aje.i went to college and did my test and when i was on my way home with train, i sleep all the way, and even when i got home i sleep for another 3 hours. seriously im blur.
i havent say anything about elsa, i dont have her pictures for the moment being. nanti i snap and upload.
oh talkning about it, i got a new phone. tadaaa..
as usuall i did not buy the phone, kak jackie gave this phone to me. She bought this phone in singapore, and too think she give me her N82 (that shes using now) *ehem* im deraming on.maybe i should lost this phone..maybe she might.. ohh aisyah please stop thinking mengarut.
now all i could think off in my head is demam demam demam. i should not think of it, i feel much better after a lovely bath just now.
oh well.
should i go out tonight?
hurmmmmmm
i havent say anything about elsa, i dont have her pictures for the moment being. nanti i snap and upload.
oh talkning about it, i got a new phone. tadaaa..
as usuall i did not buy the phone, kak jackie gave this phone to me. She bought this phone in singapore, and too think she give me her N82 (that shes using now) *ehem* im deraming on.maybe i should lost this phone..maybe she might.. ohh aisyah please stop thinking mengarut.
now all i could think off in my head is demam demam demam. i should not think of it, i feel much better after a lovely bath just now.
oh well.
should i go out tonight?
hurmmmmmm
Monday, November 3, 2008
im ok
I came to realise what i did is stupid and wrong, and i am ashamed of myself.
I am very sorry to all if i caused you trouble, and worry you
I guess i let my emotions took me.
For now i wont use my phone, maybe i retrieve my sim back tomorrow.
Actually im just using a crappy phone, which i cant call people (or people call me) cuz the speaker rosak.
(well, i baling this phone too last time)
Seriously, i need to go to an anger management programme
Or maybe i should see a psychiatrist to "fix" me up
Ayun was so patient with me, i always let him down, but he is always here beside me. Im so grateful i have a wonderful and patient boyfriend like ayun.If i were him, seriously i could not take my own attitude.
I know i am not suppose to write anything personal in blog, but i just want people to know and learn a lesson from me, NEVER do it.
like tsha said in the sms (and sha, u make cry,tau. but thanks, love u so much)
"Sya,god give us things we cant handle,no matter how hard it is. Hes just testing us,and you have to know that this is world,there are 2 types of people. to be ruled or to overruled. people who choose to listen and people who doesnt.by listening,it doesnt mean to hear aje, but to also apply,and improve. This world isnt about you or me je. Life is hard and maybe when you did that you feel that its the right thing to do during that time.but u have others to consider. alot of people care for u. What would happen to ur family and friends if ur gone?it wont make their life easier sya. Dont let us down,dont do stupid things. Kesian ayun tu sya, Think of him,and us if not ur family.dont u ever do that again.give it a thought..."
so yeah, now i feel bad and stupid. but most of all, i feel so guilty...
I am very sorry to all if i caused you trouble, and worry you
I guess i let my emotions took me.
For now i wont use my phone, maybe i retrieve my sim back tomorrow.
Actually im just using a crappy phone, which i cant call people (or people call me) cuz the speaker rosak.
(well, i baling this phone too last time)
Seriously, i need to go to an anger management programme
Or maybe i should see a psychiatrist to "fix" me up
Ayun was so patient with me, i always let him down, but he is always here beside me. Im so grateful i have a wonderful and patient boyfriend like ayun.If i were him, seriously i could not take my own attitude.
I know i am not suppose to write anything personal in blog, but i just want people to know and learn a lesson from me, NEVER do it.
like tsha said in the sms (and sha, u make cry,tau. but thanks, love u so much)
"Sya,god give us things we cant handle,no matter how hard it is. Hes just testing us,and you have to know that this is world,there are 2 types of people. to be ruled or to overruled. people who choose to listen and people who doesnt.by listening,it doesnt mean to hear aje, but to also apply,and improve. This world isnt about you or me je. Life is hard and maybe when you did that you feel that its the right thing to do during that time.but u have others to consider. alot of people care for u. What would happen to ur family and friends if ur gone?it wont make their life easier sya. Dont let us down,dont do stupid things. Kesian ayun tu sya, Think of him,and us if not ur family.dont u ever do that again.give it a thought..."
so yeah, now i feel bad and stupid. but most of all, i feel so guilty...
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
reality
i think i need help.
yesterday,
i swollowed 4 depression pills( for 8 intakes) and i went to sleep around 3 or 4. when i woke up i cant even walk straight..today, i cant remeber anything, except me punching the wall, my fingers got kepit at the car doors, and trying to jump from a building * i cant recall, ayun said it*
i hate being controlled by people. i whish i have enought money to find my own place and to liwe a new life. im always crying, always streesing. my parents put pressure on me and more stress after Elsa is born. i am happy that elsa is here, but i cant take more, all the nagging and all.
i even threw my phone out of the car.so now im not using any handphone.i lost everybody;s contact nummber, and i dont care. i wish ican run somewhere and being "unkown"
ayun is here to keep me company, he's here when i was so high to remember what i did. i just read his smses that he msg to my and his friends to know whats going on.
guess i wa being an asshole yesterday
maybe the world is not meant for me
yesterday,
i swollowed 4 depression pills( for 8 intakes) and i went to sleep around 3 or 4. when i woke up i cant even walk straight..today, i cant remeber anything, except me punching the wall, my fingers got kepit at the car doors, and trying to jump from a building * i cant recall, ayun said it*
i hate being controlled by people. i whish i have enought money to find my own place and to liwe a new life. im always crying, always streesing. my parents put pressure on me and more stress after Elsa is born. i am happy that elsa is here, but i cant take more, all the nagging and all.
i even threw my phone out of the car.so now im not using any handphone.i lost everybody;s contact nummber, and i dont care. i wish ican run somewhere and being "unkown"
ayun is here to keep me company, he's here when i was so high to remember what i did. i just read his smses that he msg to my and his friends to know whats going on.
guess i wa being an asshole yesterday
maybe the world is not meant for me
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
tipu kanan, tipu kiri
Yesterday ayun ajak me tengok muvie. actually i thought i wanna watch kami but its at 5 plus, and i didnt want to go back late again. and ayun said he wants to watch tipu kanan,tipu kiri. Being me, i already didnt like it, and i just thought, maybe its not that bad
but damn i was wrong. i was moaning in pain watching that show. i was sighing and i couldnt sit still. i practically feel like crying watching, its very bored and being me, i kinda hate this kinda shows.
i've been bored lately, and i have to really start studying. exams is near and i just want to pass the papers. But then i've been playing a whole lot of PSP. hehe
im crazy for need for speed underground game.
wawawa is there is sumthing i can do to fill up my time
than just me doing shisha, playing game and stuff.
its kinda hard to concentrate to study
hurm
but damn i was wrong. i was moaning in pain watching that show. i was sighing and i couldnt sit still. i practically feel like crying watching, its very bored and being me, i kinda hate this kinda shows.
i've been bored lately, and i have to really start studying. exams is near and i just want to pass the papers. But then i've been playing a whole lot of PSP. hehe
im crazy for need for speed underground game.
wawawa is there is sumthing i can do to fill up my time
than just me doing shisha, playing game and stuff.
its kinda hard to concentrate to study
hurm
Monday, October 20, 2008
friends.
I have alot of friends, and they come and go.
But i do have certain friends, which i keep them dearly in my hearts
SOme friends, just know me for a while, met online or through friends.
some friends, i knew them for years
When i have problems, the closest to me i share is with ayun.
Rarely i share to other prople except to complain, or when im having troubles with ayun himself.
Even my mum says she doent know who i am anymore
and
Mum says dad is worried about me,
that i've been going out to much, party and enjoying too much
and i did not study at all
I am not myself, but i dont feel like a loser either.
I feel bad about this,
maybe when it comes to studying, maybe im not good at it
When it comes to studies, i shine the least compared to my sisters.
I have nothing to make my parents proud,so they can brag about me with their friends...
Im just, stupid i guess.
I ruin alot of things, and most of the time, i dont mean it
I wish i can take it all back, before i lose my loved one's...
so here it goes
My family
to dad: sorry i always lepak at night, always coming back late.you must be worried sick
to mum: sorry i am always spending your money, and not go to class and study
to kak jackie: sorry you have to pay for my college fees, i hope o dont burden you.
to kak rose: sorry i drop bella once in malaysia, i really dont know how to take care of babies and toddlers back then
to kak mel: sorry i am the manja sister, and u always have to tell me things to do
to amy: sorry for not being a role model sister
and this is to my best friend, Thea,
sorry of what i wrote, sorry for what i did. I mean no harm, and maybe my words let you down, maybe my words are wrong, i never meant it. I never mean to be such a bitter. I dont mean to make u cry. Sorry. I know im such a disapointment.
And also to Tg. Aishah, Beehah, Yaya, and other people i know. Sorry if i make u sad, angry and down
Love you all very much,
Aisyah Adliana Binti Mohd Amran De Costa
But i do have certain friends, which i keep them dearly in my hearts
SOme friends, just know me for a while, met online or through friends.
some friends, i knew them for years
When i have problems, the closest to me i share is with ayun.
Rarely i share to other prople except to complain, or when im having troubles with ayun himself.
Even my mum says she doent know who i am anymore
and
Mum says dad is worried about me,
that i've been going out to much, party and enjoying too much
and i did not study at all
I am not myself, but i dont feel like a loser either.
I feel bad about this,
maybe when it comes to studying, maybe im not good at it
When it comes to studies, i shine the least compared to my sisters.
I have nothing to make my parents proud,so they can brag about me with their friends...
Im just, stupid i guess.
I ruin alot of things, and most of the time, i dont mean it
I wish i can take it all back, before i lose my loved one's...
so here it goes
My family
to dad: sorry i always lepak at night, always coming back late.you must be worried sick
to mum: sorry i am always spending your money, and not go to class and study
to kak jackie: sorry you have to pay for my college fees, i hope o dont burden you.
to kak rose: sorry i drop bella once in malaysia, i really dont know how to take care of babies and toddlers back then
to kak mel: sorry i am the manja sister, and u always have to tell me things to do
to amy: sorry for not being a role model sister
and this is to my best friend, Thea,
sorry of what i wrote, sorry for what i did. I mean no harm, and maybe my words let you down, maybe my words are wrong, i never meant it. I never mean to be such a bitter. I dont mean to make u cry. Sorry. I know im such a disapointment.
And also to Tg. Aishah, Beehah, Yaya, and other people i know. Sorry if i make u sad, angry and down
Love you all very much,
Aisyah Adliana Binti Mohd Amran De Costa
Friday, October 17, 2008
shisha
i am graduating on doing shisha. =)
really, i make a good mean shisha now
i borrow nuar's shisha bottle and now i just got the hang of it, doing shisha
susah gak, banyak kerja, nak kena perah,cuci botol, then tebuk lubang,bakar arang
wawawa but itsworth it
I am shisha-ing right now
Tomorrow i have work,
working as a promoter in times square.
and im damn lazy to work!
but then when i think of the money,
i just force myself. im hoping i can work in convention centre again
please wish me luck, i hope they take me in,
its alot better anyway,even the pay is low, but we'll get the money terus.
kalau kerja promoter, gosh the pay is like fuck late.
working promoter like this, have to wait for the cheque, so damn long
harituh kerja walls pun belum dpt gaji. Ayun dah dapat,
guess i really have to kejar.
I am so kering kontang right now, i asked KJ (my eldest sister) for money,
and im jst waiting for ayun to help me here and there,like buy me lunch and such
about studies pulak, gosh i missed damn lot of classes, i just wish that i can cope.
I mean, i just hope i lulus all the paper,
atas tong pun atas tong lah,
i just dont want to repeat and such
and after CAT i prolly want to take a degree.
easier, i mean just have to maintain pointers,
after that also can add 5 papers and grad with ACCA
and i really wanna go oversea and study
lol
see how it goes
wa im so tired lol
really, i make a good mean shisha now
i borrow nuar's shisha bottle and now i just got the hang of it, doing shisha
susah gak, banyak kerja, nak kena perah,cuci botol, then tebuk lubang,bakar arang
wawawa but itsworth it
I am shisha-ing right now
Tomorrow i have work,
working as a promoter in times square.
and im damn lazy to work!
but then when i think of the money,
i just force myself. im hoping i can work in convention centre again
please wish me luck, i hope they take me in,
its alot better anyway,even the pay is low, but we'll get the money terus.
kalau kerja promoter, gosh the pay is like fuck late.
working promoter like this, have to wait for the cheque, so damn long
harituh kerja walls pun belum dpt gaji. Ayun dah dapat,
guess i really have to kejar.
I am so kering kontang right now, i asked KJ (my eldest sister) for money,
and im jst waiting for ayun to help me here and there,like buy me lunch and such
about studies pulak, gosh i missed damn lot of classes, i just wish that i can cope.
I mean, i just hope i lulus all the paper,
atas tong pun atas tong lah,
i just dont want to repeat and such
and after CAT i prolly want to take a degree.
easier, i mean just have to maintain pointers,
after that also can add 5 papers and grad with ACCA
and i really wanna go oversea and study
lol
see how it goes
wa im so tired lol
Thursday, October 16, 2008
lalala kerja lah
work.. i have to work if i want money!
x ada money, x jalan la.
Even mum told me that she's not going to give me money as much as she used to be
so i told her about my plan to extend another sem,obviously she doesnt like it.
I gave her the idea i want to work and study. and she fliped out. she said i missed alot, i fall back alot, and its look like im never going to graduate. lol. but if next semester, i have to take 4 subject. so how am i going to work and study at the same time like that? aiyo matilah..
anyway
i think i screw up a little.
i'm suppose to work tomorrow, but i cant since i have class.
and i really need to go to class.
I kept thinking that is going to be on the weekends,
not including friday
Even is mum checking up on me, calling my college to make sure im going to class
Im pretty sure i upset my agent *sigh*
Im a bit upset too, i really want to work and really find money lorh. @_@
well you cant have it all, i think?
Im going to work again in convention centre, its easier
I can always bully my bf to pick me up from work and such (haha)
Wish me all the best
x ada money, x jalan la.
Even mum told me that she's not going to give me money as much as she used to be
so i told her about my plan to extend another sem,obviously she doesnt like it.
I gave her the idea i want to work and study. and she fliped out. she said i missed alot, i fall back alot, and its look like im never going to graduate. lol. but if next semester, i have to take 4 subject. so how am i going to work and study at the same time like that? aiyo matilah..
anyway
i think i screw up a little.
i'm suppose to work tomorrow, but i cant since i have class.
and i really need to go to class.
I kept thinking that is going to be on the weekends,
not including friday
Even is mum checking up on me, calling my college to make sure im going to class
Im pretty sure i upset my agent *sigh*
Im a bit upset too, i really want to work and really find money lorh. @_@
well you cant have it all, i think?
Im going to work again in convention centre, its easier
I can always bully my bf to pick me up from work and such (haha)
Wish me all the best
Sunday, October 12, 2008
tattoo
I love tattoo. But i cant have them, because of religion, and my family and friends too.
But if i can have them, here are the tatts that i want!
THis tattoo is inspired by HELL GIRL. If you want to know more about hell girl, go watch anime, or read about it in the net. seriously this tatt is rad
There are many,many sakura tatts lovers out there, including me. seriously if i can have it i would colour it at my back shoulder, creep to the front shoulder, and falls abit on my arm =D (like this one picture down here, but more sakura =] )
I will have tattoo of dragon,rabbit and tiger. in fact i may have to do 7 animals from chinese zodiak of my family. i love my family so much. Dragon is for me, Tiger is for mum,Rabit is for dad. Che semangat gila. Padahal mimpi je lebih ;)
Yelah, mana boleh buat tattoo kannnnn?
But if i can have them, here are the tatts that i want!
THis tattoo is inspired by HELL GIRL. If you want to know more about hell girl, go watch anime, or read about it in the net. seriously this tatt is rad
There are many,many sakura tatts lovers out there, including me. seriously if i can have it i would colour it at my back shoulder, creep to the front shoulder, and falls abit on my arm =D (like this one picture down here, but more sakura =] )
I will have tattoo of dragon,rabbit and tiger. in fact i may have to do 7 animals from chinese zodiak of my family. i love my family so much. Dragon is for me, Tiger is for mum,Rabit is for dad. Che semangat gila. Padahal mimpi je lebih ;)
Yelah, mana boleh buat tattoo kannnnn?
The day before yesterday
The day before yesterday i had a bbq. but i was heartbroken cuz none of my friends came except nuar and his clan, and it remind me what a true friend he is, he even finished up all the food. there were 7 of them, finished up 1 1/2 chicken and fish. althought they came at 12am, at least i am happy that they came.
Yesterday i had open house. my, my. It was very busy, a lot of people came, and there were not many of us to take care of everything. Since i did most of the housework in the morning, i asked for the refresh department (meaning i have to topup air kalau dah nak habis) and help around abit, but after 11 of my KPTM friends came, i stop washing the dishes and sat down and chat..mummy took over, and i guess, i felt pity that i didnt help her.anyways, my kptm friends, they were only here for a while, nevertheless, i am glad to see the whole kptm class came raya to my place (even im not studying there anymore). by the time were we done packing up everything, it was already about 8 plus. can you believe it? from 11.30 am until 7.30 pm non stop people coming to my place. i estimate about 100 people, so you guys might wanna think how many dishes to wash and such.the whole day i was being yelled by my family, ask to do work and all, and i instantly yell at ayun (even he did nothing wrong). it's the best open house we had so far =D (even tho its tiring)
today i went raya at To' Puan's house,eat "nasi dagang" (man i miss this food.hard to find in kl,kalau ada ,mahal) and then at Aunty Zaidah's house. she cook a mean speggeti. have u ever tasted spicy spagetti? it doesnt smell the way it is, but it taste nice, i even topup twice *wink2*
I asked ayun if he likes me short hair or long hair, and he said he likes me when the time i had to straighten my hair cuz of the silly punk look-kinda-hair, but i wont never go back to the haorstyle again. i waited so long for my hair to go this long, should i sacrifice it? i like short hair better, im always sweaty anf all, but then sayang pulak nak potong long hair nie.. then again ayin like me woth short hair too.maybe i should. hurmmm...
oh yea my eyes got like an infection or something.it hurts even tho i wink, and it felt hot, wattery and asyik taik mata keluar. i felt so serabut and tomorrow class start already, i dont want to go to class with my eyes like this. EEP!
i'm addicted to my psp, im playing ayun;s need for speed game. yeah.. sedap gak main kete2 nie =D
(by the way, i graduated from the sims 2:castaway game. Kudos for myself! LOL XP)
gotta go. nak mamam laksa, and main game XP
by the way, beehah wants me to mention her name often in the blog ;)
love u beehah =D
Yesterday i had open house. my, my. It was very busy, a lot of people came, and there were not many of us to take care of everything. Since i did most of the housework in the morning, i asked for the refresh department (meaning i have to topup air kalau dah nak habis) and help around abit, but after 11 of my KPTM friends came, i stop washing the dishes and sat down and chat..mummy took over, and i guess, i felt pity that i didnt help her.anyways, my kptm friends, they were only here for a while, nevertheless, i am glad to see the whole kptm class came raya to my place (even im not studying there anymore). by the time were we done packing up everything, it was already about 8 plus. can you believe it? from 11.30 am until 7.30 pm non stop people coming to my place. i estimate about 100 people, so you guys might wanna think how many dishes to wash and such.the whole day i was being yelled by my family, ask to do work and all, and i instantly yell at ayun (even he did nothing wrong). it's the best open house we had so far =D (even tho its tiring)
today i went raya at To' Puan's house,eat "nasi dagang" (man i miss this food.hard to find in kl,kalau ada ,mahal) and then at Aunty Zaidah's house. she cook a mean speggeti. have u ever tasted spicy spagetti? it doesnt smell the way it is, but it taste nice, i even topup twice *wink2*
I asked ayun if he likes me short hair or long hair, and he said he likes me when the time i had to straighten my hair cuz of the silly punk look-kinda-hair, but i wont never go back to the haorstyle again. i waited so long for my hair to go this long, should i sacrifice it? i like short hair better, im always sweaty anf all, but then sayang pulak nak potong long hair nie.. then again ayin like me woth short hair too.maybe i should. hurmmm...
oh yea my eyes got like an infection or something.it hurts even tho i wink, and it felt hot, wattery and asyik taik mata keluar. i felt so serabut and tomorrow class start already, i dont want to go to class with my eyes like this. EEP!
i'm addicted to my psp, im playing ayun;s need for speed game. yeah.. sedap gak main kete2 nie =D
(by the way, i graduated from the sims 2:castaway game. Kudos for myself! LOL XP)
gotta go. nak mamam laksa, and main game XP
by the way, beehah wants me to mention her name often in the blog ;)
love u beehah =D
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
3days
3days in a row i cry my tears out.
Today amy came to me when she arrive at lekka lekka,
jet and wan (amy's frind) is there too,
amy was telling me that mum cried all day, wondering about me, when i care no less about her.
Truth is, i felt bad actually,fighting with my mum.
And thats not the worst part, Amy told me, that mum is losing her memory
(and i am losing my mind if this goes on)
but i already told ayun,that i will come back to kajang and behave,
come home before 10 , maximum is 11, (usualy i'll be back around 1+)
and when kak mel deliver the baby, i will help to take care until she goes back tp KPLI (the perguruan thing,) and when she finish the KPLI, so is my babysitting.
It will, bare in mind, i estimate it will be a year i'll be taking care of the baby
and its not easy,
especially when i have plan to move out, to study on my own and all
wish me all the best, even thought i will admit the same problem will arise
Come to think of it, i always write blog when im sad,angry,frustrated,sentimential.
I amlways emo, my blog should be call an "EMO BLOG" or something
Is it just me, or am i having too much problems?
Today amy came to me when she arrive at lekka lekka,
jet and wan (amy's frind) is there too,
amy was telling me that mum cried all day, wondering about me, when i care no less about her.
Truth is, i felt bad actually,fighting with my mum.
And thats not the worst part, Amy told me, that mum is losing her memory
(and i am losing my mind if this goes on)
but i already told ayun,that i will come back to kajang and behave,
come home before 10 , maximum is 11, (usualy i'll be back around 1+)
and when kak mel deliver the baby, i will help to take care until she goes back tp KPLI (the perguruan thing,) and when she finish the KPLI, so is my babysitting.
It will, bare in mind, i estimate it will be a year i'll be taking care of the baby
and its not easy,
especially when i have plan to move out, to study on my own and all
wish me all the best, even thought i will admit the same problem will arise
Come to think of it, i always write blog when im sad,angry,frustrated,sentimential.
I amlways emo, my blog should be call an "EMO BLOG" or something
Is it just me, or am i having too much problems?
Monday, October 6, 2008
when life let me down
Its not a great year for me.so is last year actually.
I want to change, i want to be better
I stop smoking and i try shisha, is it that bad actually?
I kinda had a argument with my mum yesterday.
Yesterdy, was not a good day to talk with me. I was in a messed,and when mum try to talk to me, it went all wrong, i cried. for like 1 or 2 hours.
it was pretty bad for me. i was stress, I am stress. and mum had to bring all the topics up. My mum says she doent know me anymore. Maybe she doesnt. I am different now, I want a life on my own. I want to rent a place, stay with ayun. Regardless of what she thinks. And so is Ayuns parents.
Here's another story. On sunday amy wants to go back to damansara. Then she went and see kane and i lepak with ayun.He send me home to damansara and guess what, the new keys for the rented place, it doenst fit. so i was stuck outside and ayun came to the rescue. we went back to his house and his mum halau me.how bad could it be? he wanted to send me back to kajang, but thank god he didnt. or not it would be worst to my mum. we went and sleep at 7E, in the van. It wasnt comfy and its kinda hot. im glad that ayun stick with me, throught thick and thin times.
oh and ayuns parent also want to "halau" him out. just cuz he stayed at my place for 2 nights.
And today i turn up to go to class and it turn out my class is cance.now im in college tengah teman budak2 amik exam lol.
I want to change, i want to be better
I stop smoking and i try shisha, is it that bad actually?
I kinda had a argument with my mum yesterday.
Yesterdy, was not a good day to talk with me. I was in a messed,and when mum try to talk to me, it went all wrong, i cried. for like 1 or 2 hours.
it was pretty bad for me. i was stress, I am stress. and mum had to bring all the topics up. My mum says she doent know me anymore. Maybe she doesnt. I am different now, I want a life on my own. I want to rent a place, stay with ayun. Regardless of what she thinks. And so is Ayuns parents.
Here's another story. On sunday amy wants to go back to damansara. Then she went and see kane and i lepak with ayun.He send me home to damansara and guess what, the new keys for the rented place, it doenst fit. so i was stuck outside and ayun came to the rescue. we went back to his house and his mum halau me.how bad could it be? he wanted to send me back to kajang, but thank god he didnt. or not it would be worst to my mum. we went and sleep at 7E, in the van. It wasnt comfy and its kinda hot. im glad that ayun stick with me, throught thick and thin times.
oh and ayuns parent also want to "halau" him out. just cuz he stayed at my place for 2 nights.
And today i turn up to go to class and it turn out my class is cance.now im in college tengah teman budak2 amik exam lol.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
hitori
when i brokeup with ayun, i thought it would be easy to forget him by changing my numbers, and stop contacting everyone who knows him. so i send an sms to ieda saying im sorry and that sort, and i think she got pissed off with me. Now san is acting weird to, or i am acting weird. my friends havent msg me saying whats up and all. maybe they're busy.but the point is
i feel lonely
and im back,getting close to ayun, as if we never broke up. i do not know whether i still hvae feeling for him or not. but im clingy on him now.
i feel lonely
and im back,getting close to ayun, as if we never broke up. i do not know whether i still hvae feeling for him or not. but im clingy on him now.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
losing ayun
We brokeup, i asked for it. ANd i cant believe its still am happening.
I asked as i couldnt stand the pressure and the fighting and the disagreement.
Im too hard headed and egoish in a way
I miss him so bad but its all over
He asked me if we could still be friends
and i wanted to, really i want to, but half of me say dont, u cant and all
so im stuck inbetween
i want him, to hold him again
but i guess its all too late to turn back?
Im confusing myself, i cry everytime i remember our sweetest moment together
not that i cry 24/7 but i always always cry when i remeber him
holding my hand, kissing me softly,
cliche i know lah
and its hard, so so hard for me to go to all thru this
4 or 5 years of us knowing each other
4 or 5 years worth of memories,
and this august is our 2nd anni, and we had, or i had plans for that.
GOD. help me thru this
last movie: Get Smart
the last kiss was superb
but the most i cant forget
and it kept replaying in my head even i try hard to shake it off,
is the last, the very last look he looked at me,
those eyes, those moment
it never fails to make me cry
over and over again
I asked as i couldnt stand the pressure and the fighting and the disagreement.
Im too hard headed and egoish in a way
I miss him so bad but its all over
He asked me if we could still be friends
and i wanted to, really i want to, but half of me say dont, u cant and all
so im stuck inbetween
i want him, to hold him again
but i guess its all too late to turn back?
Im confusing myself, i cry everytime i remember our sweetest moment together
not that i cry 24/7 but i always always cry when i remeber him
holding my hand, kissing me softly,
cliche i know lah
and its hard, so so hard for me to go to all thru this
4 or 5 years of us knowing each other
4 or 5 years worth of memories,
and this august is our 2nd anni, and we had, or i had plans for that.
GOD. help me thru this
last movie: Get Smart
the last kiss was superb
but the most i cant forget
and it kept replaying in my head even i try hard to shake it off,
is the last, the very last look he looked at me,
those eyes, those moment
it never fails to make me cry
over and over again
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Simply me
Ok. So here it goes, stories about me.
I was still young but i knew what pain was
It wasnt just the pain u get from ur knees when u fall down
Or the pain when u feel, when u hit sumthing
I was still young
Didint knew what life was,
and there i was, feeling the pain
My parents were always fighting, were always screaming at each other
Didint know much, but i felt hurt. To see the crying and the screaming
I didnt have much friends when i was young
I USED to cry all the time, in school and at house
No one wanted to be my friend
And i was the loser.
I was the chinese looking girl,,and for that i was a joke
Should i blame them?Maybe its just me, did poorly in making friends
Should i blame my parents?
I didnt know who and what to blame,
and sometimes i feel like i should blame myself
Alot of things happen
From young till now,and althought i make a lot of mistkaes over and over
I'm still learning anyway
I was still young but i knew what pain was
It wasnt just the pain u get from ur knees when u fall down
Or the pain when u feel, when u hit sumthing
I was still young
Didint knew what life was,
and there i was, feeling the pain
My parents were always fighting, were always screaming at each other
Didint know much, but i felt hurt. To see the crying and the screaming
I didnt have much friends when i was young
I USED to cry all the time, in school and at house
No one wanted to be my friend
And i was the loser.
I was the chinese looking girl,,and for that i was a joke
Should i blame them?Maybe its just me, did poorly in making friends
Should i blame my parents?
I didnt know who and what to blame,
and sometimes i feel like i should blame myself
Alot of things happen
From young till now,and althought i make a lot of mistkaes over and over
I'm still learning anyway
wonder how,when and why
I'm a girl who laughs and do goofy stuff with friends
But deep inside, im lonely
I'm the girl who's treating her bf like shit
And he keeps up with me
Im the girl who everybody thinks im tough
but im clingy to Ayun
I'm the girls who mostly do the wrong stuff
And for that i got lack of respect from my family
I'm the girl who walks and stay far away from her family
And i'm only 20 years old
I'm the girl who tries to be somebody
but no one notice
I'm the girl who tried suicide
And i say people who suicide is stupid
Im the girl
Im just a girl
Maybe going to be a woman soon
I wonder,
what life means
How i happen to be here
Why am i here
And what is m purpose of being here?
God, sometimes i think, i should really kill myself back then.
But deep inside, im lonely
I'm the girl who's treating her bf like shit
And he keeps up with me
Im the girl who everybody thinks im tough
but im clingy to Ayun
I'm the girls who mostly do the wrong stuff
And for that i got lack of respect from my family
I'm the girl who walks and stay far away from her family
And i'm only 20 years old
I'm the girl who tries to be somebody
but no one notice
I'm the girl who tried suicide
And i say people who suicide is stupid
Im the girl
Im just a girl
Maybe going to be a woman soon
I wonder,
what life means
How i happen to be here
Why am i here
And what is m purpose of being here?
God, sometimes i think, i should really kill myself back then.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
3.17am
Thats the time when im starting to type here. im listening to Oh chentaku new song in amp.channelv.
Good news, im so very damn lucky that i passed both papers in my CAT sem 1. only my agama, i feel that i need to work out on that,think i will repeat it.
Im going to do my best, but maybe i'll entend another semester, cuz i really tot of working abit.
You see, i didnt get the MARA loan. and i think taking ptptn is a bit to late now.
so yeah, currently im working in kak jackie's friend office in shah alam, an accounting firm. just like a data entry thingy and i'm going to stay with kak jackie during the weekdays as going back and forth from ampang is abit too far.
so far i learn that, first and the very first step when u have a busniess is that, KEEP ALL THE DAMN FRIGGIN RECEIPT if u are sending it to a firm for them to calculate. see, i had a hard time doing the acount cuz i dont friggin know what the owner gave me, sum receipt and invoice is missing, so its not balance and really im cracking my head to figure it out,
its weekend now, no work and i didnt go home. i'll appologise to mum esk, i feel guilty but i didnt want to be home. i feel so stress and tense with my family. seriously i feel better here. not that im always can be with ayun, stay late at night as long as i can, go out in the middle of the night, and bla2.. anyway i just..feel so serene. no serene is not the word.. just..relaxed.. yep im relaxed staying here. plus i starting to learn how to cook, i cook curry the other day. abit pekat la but nice. just a bit pedas. haha
ok i end my blog here. its already 3.26 am and pity ayun cuz he got to go to work in the morning.
tatty-ho
Good news, im so very damn lucky that i passed both papers in my CAT sem 1. only my agama, i feel that i need to work out on that,think i will repeat it.
Im going to do my best, but maybe i'll entend another semester, cuz i really tot of working abit.
You see, i didnt get the MARA loan. and i think taking ptptn is a bit to late now.
so yeah, currently im working in kak jackie's friend office in shah alam, an accounting firm. just like a data entry thingy and i'm going to stay with kak jackie during the weekdays as going back and forth from ampang is abit too far.
so far i learn that, first and the very first step when u have a busniess is that, KEEP ALL THE DAMN FRIGGIN RECEIPT if u are sending it to a firm for them to calculate. see, i had a hard time doing the acount cuz i dont friggin know what the owner gave me, sum receipt and invoice is missing, so its not balance and really im cracking my head to figure it out,
its weekend now, no work and i didnt go home. i'll appologise to mum esk, i feel guilty but i didnt want to be home. i feel so stress and tense with my family. seriously i feel better here. not that im always can be with ayun, stay late at night as long as i can, go out in the middle of the night, and bla2.. anyway i just..feel so serene. no serene is not the word.. just..relaxed.. yep im relaxed staying here. plus i starting to learn how to cook, i cook curry the other day. abit pekat la but nice. just a bit pedas. haha
ok i end my blog here. its already 3.26 am and pity ayun cuz he got to go to work in the morning.
tatty-ho
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
jiwa kacau
seriously i feel so messed up. maybe i'm near to my PMS zone.
But i really cant concentrate. and tomorrow and the day after is my exam.
i already told kak jackie that if i flunk this im going to take the repeat paper in august. but then, expenses again. paying for a paper is not cheap
and im thinking to take ptptn maybe. i thought of working or do my own business. and extend another sem. maybe take 2 subject next semester. i dunno. im too messed up.times like this i feel like..argh x yah stadi lah. kerja je.
but then, working is not easy. anyway it's still another year to go and when i graduate, the pay is not that bad.
argh jiwa kacau betol. Aisyah u better concentrate on ur studies. xm esok wei.
But i really cant concentrate. and tomorrow and the day after is my exam.
i already told kak jackie that if i flunk this im going to take the repeat paper in august. but then, expenses again. paying for a paper is not cheap
and im thinking to take ptptn maybe. i thought of working or do my own business. and extend another sem. maybe take 2 subject next semester. i dunno. im too messed up.times like this i feel like..argh x yah stadi lah. kerja je.
but then, working is not easy. anyway it's still another year to go and when i graduate, the pay is not that bad.
argh jiwa kacau betol. Aisyah u better concentrate on ur studies. xm esok wei.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
drama
just random thoughts. Fana talked about, the drama ayun and i had the other day when we lepaking at uptown. I mean, what a drama. seriosly, and to think bout it, we had a lot of drama lately. Midvalley, Times, Sg Wang, Pavillion, Mamak, In the Car..
mostly we had drama. Sometimes it feels like, maybe we are not meant to be together. TO think bout it, well, mstly its my fault cuz i dont listen. I'm a hard headed person. Ayun, ur a nice guy, and i love u. But im kinda sick of all the drama's.
I'm 20 and yet i do feel like 16teen sometimes. bleh
ok.im clueless what to write
mostly we had drama. Sometimes it feels like, maybe we are not meant to be together. TO think bout it, well, mstly its my fault cuz i dont listen. I'm a hard headed person. Ayun, ur a nice guy, and i love u. But im kinda sick of all the drama's.
I'm 20 and yet i do feel like 16teen sometimes. bleh
ok.im clueless what to write
Sunday, February 10, 2008
im 2 minutes away from...
ok title di atas tiada kena mengena dengan apa yang ku ingin tulis
Actually im really bored. i at my college now posting this blog.. i came early today to college and i cant study. im going to monteng this evening class and go out with bf. main bowling, pool, movies. ahh the joy of KL. u have everything and sumthing to do.
I have to remind myself to clean up my messy room.im a lady and the room is lke ayun;s room (hah! not that bad la, i meant my room)
I find it very hard to study when it comes to reading subject. My paper II for CAT involves with alot of reading and memorizing. I just hope i pass it thou. Oh talking boout that, i felt like im fake. know why? cuz everytime agama class i will wear tudung and after class i'll take off my tudung. Wth. I kept remebeting the words of this particular song. "pakai tudung, masuk tanda buang tudung" or sumthing like that. the malay song that kutuk malays.
ok the point of me writing this today is.. im clueless. i havent done anything for my assigment and studies. BAD BAD Aisyah.
I have to go for interview today after 5 or 6 pm. An office in Shah Alam. Its far i know but if i got the job, then it'll be very good for me as i'll be working in a Charted Accountant office. Althought i think my job buat kopi, tolong photostat and stuff. see how it goes yeah?
Yesterday had dinner with Kak Jackie and Abg John in Subang Parade. We ate Kenny Rogers but i really3 feel like eating nandos. i love the sauce. *ehem* Semangat portugis ni!!! Kak mel is going to Batu Pahat. She got the KPLI or the perguruan thing. See, thing is, she's going to take the gen2. and mum told me that abg rahim is going to take the gen2. im sad. cuz i cant get the car. I know wth my records, i shouldnt be having a car. But its kinda unfair cuz when Kak Mel was in uitm doing her diploma and degree (when we were still back in Terengganu) She had the car. All for herself, I know shes a great driver and all. And yes i would be happy and galivant around if i have the car. But im not asking it for myself also. Im asking for mum;s behalf. Cuz if mum wants to go around, and if papa is not around, then i think its my job to send her. I know its a lame idea and alasan but.. i do care bout mum. and i dun think i wanna send her to ktm and she naik train etc. ANd i know abg Im needs the car to go to work. But he's staying in subang and the work is at taipan. why cant he go to work like before he met kak mel? why kak mel kena manjakan die sangat?
I dont understand. am i that bad? I do compare myselfwith other teenagers around and im proud to say im not like that. But im not like my sisters too. with them i feel like im a trash. Im like the black sheep or whateva u call it. But i dont do stuff as bad as other teenagers. And i do compare myself with good teenagers too. haih.....
Im 20 and i'm still confuse. COnfuse with who i am, confuse with what i am. With where i wanna be in the next 5 or 10 years. Seriously, i really dont know.Im twisted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so the moral of the story is
can sumone give me teh recipe for famous amos and belanja me nando's?
hehe
Actually im really bored. i at my college now posting this blog.. i came early today to college and i cant study. im going to monteng this evening class and go out with bf. main bowling, pool, movies. ahh the joy of KL. u have everything and sumthing to do.
I have to remind myself to clean up my messy room.im a lady and the room is lke ayun;s room (hah! not that bad la, i meant my room)
I find it very hard to study when it comes to reading subject. My paper II for CAT involves with alot of reading and memorizing. I just hope i pass it thou. Oh talking boout that, i felt like im fake. know why? cuz everytime agama class i will wear tudung and after class i'll take off my tudung. Wth. I kept remebeting the words of this particular song. "pakai tudung, masuk tanda buang tudung" or sumthing like that. the malay song that kutuk malays.
ok the point of me writing this today is.. im clueless. i havent done anything for my assigment and studies. BAD BAD Aisyah.
I have to go for interview today after 5 or 6 pm. An office in Shah Alam. Its far i know but if i got the job, then it'll be very good for me as i'll be working in a Charted Accountant office. Althought i think my job buat kopi, tolong photostat and stuff. see how it goes yeah?
Yesterday had dinner with Kak Jackie and Abg John in Subang Parade. We ate Kenny Rogers but i really3 feel like eating nandos. i love the sauce. *ehem* Semangat portugis ni!!! Kak mel is going to Batu Pahat. She got the KPLI or the perguruan thing. See, thing is, she's going to take the gen2. and mum told me that abg rahim is going to take the gen2. im sad. cuz i cant get the car. I know wth my records, i shouldnt be having a car. But its kinda unfair cuz when Kak Mel was in uitm doing her diploma and degree (when we were still back in Terengganu) She had the car. All for herself, I know shes a great driver and all. And yes i would be happy and galivant around if i have the car. But im not asking it for myself also. Im asking for mum;s behalf. Cuz if mum wants to go around, and if papa is not around, then i think its my job to send her. I know its a lame idea and alasan but.. i do care bout mum. and i dun think i wanna send her to ktm and she naik train etc. ANd i know abg Im needs the car to go to work. But he's staying in subang and the work is at taipan. why cant he go to work like before he met kak mel? why kak mel kena manjakan die sangat?
I dont understand. am i that bad? I do compare myselfwith other teenagers around and im proud to say im not like that. But im not like my sisters too. with them i feel like im a trash. Im like the black sheep or whateva u call it. But i dont do stuff as bad as other teenagers. And i do compare myself with good teenagers too. haih.....
Im 20 and i'm still confuse. COnfuse with who i am, confuse with what i am. With where i wanna be in the next 5 or 10 years. Seriously, i really dont know.Im twisted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so the moral of the story is
can sumone give me teh recipe for famous amos and belanja me nando's?
hehe
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Mcpa gig?
Today i wanted to go to MCPA today for the gig but suddenly i had no mood. EVen Yun wasnt feel much to go to gig.plus the line was fucking long and im sure its going to be too crowded in there. so i decided to lepak.Then we wanted to see movie but same thing also. Nak maik pool also same thing. so we dicided to run up and down mcm kambing la jugak go here and there until back and leg hurts. last2 skali we lepak at borders and i read sum manga then dinner and i went back. I bought this bag that was selling on the bridge at timesquare, not the monorail one's but the bridge towards bb/sgwang. they have cuteeee bags!!!
and im still devasted by one of my circle of friends. he's not replying to my msg. Ayun and i and sum of his friends are going to do a surprise party for a particular girl-friend (that we met from this guy) and i invited him but no news. sedih. i really dont know whats up with him until he;s changed.
well. not my life to mess around with huh? But this surprise party is special cuz she's going to fly oversea. so im just paying my last respect to her.. who knows. anything can happen kan? 7 years i long and if she comes back also to malaysia every year, well im looking forward to see her but i know she;ll be very busy. like my sis ,came back to malaysia but rarely have time to visit friends. cuz kena buat passport la, renew visa and do on.
i wish he can come. i wish he still the old him, this friend of mine. i miss hanging out with him. NOT because he have a car. Its because i like being friends with him
and im still devasted by one of my circle of friends. he's not replying to my msg. Ayun and i and sum of his friends are going to do a surprise party for a particular girl-friend (that we met from this guy) and i invited him but no news. sedih. i really dont know whats up with him until he;s changed.
well. not my life to mess around with huh? But this surprise party is special cuz she's going to fly oversea. so im just paying my last respect to her.. who knows. anything can happen kan? 7 years i long and if she comes back also to malaysia every year, well im looking forward to see her but i know she;ll be very busy. like my sis ,came back to malaysia but rarely have time to visit friends. cuz kena buat passport la, renew visa and do on.
i wish he can come. i wish he still the old him, this friend of mine. i miss hanging out with him. NOT because he have a car. Its because i like being friends with him
Advice
Bf give me sum advice yesterday and i was suppose to write it in the blog. ok. i try to shorten it as much as i can
1. Dun be Bossy and hard headed
2. Compromise
3. Im a tipical Malaysian too
4. Be friendly with his side of the family too
ok.thats all i can remeber from the babling. h uhu. yun..u have anything to add? -_-;;;
1. Dun be Bossy and hard headed
2. Compromise
3. Im a tipical Malaysian too
4. Be friendly with his side of the family too
ok.thats all i can remeber from the babling. h uhu. yun..u have anything to add? -_-;;;
Thursday, January 31, 2008
fucked up again
i went to laundry yesterday for the gig but i kinda like had a fite with bf.
so pretty much no mood and urgh i had enuf actually..fighting with bf..
and i bought my lil sis along and its like..maybe slalu sgt fighting with her in the middle.
but seriously..maybe i think me and yun need sum space or sumthing. and i though by smsing my friend whould make me feel better but even he ..umm..sulk. im sorry!!! (if u read this, im really sorry)
so yeah i think im a trouble maker.sheesh.
about my college.. i havent study yet for paper I and II (CAT) and supposely i study today tp look here i am in front of the computer. bout my friend, guy A. we kinda left him out and another girl-classmate said im too harsh on him.seriously, shes not in my position, she doesnt know, and im not in her position, i dont know la kan whats her problem. everytime when he's (guy A ) around i feel annoyed but when he's not around, i feel kinda im tooo harsh (which i am) on him. ntah la.. i dont know what to do. too much problems here in my head.
And i kinda miss one of my particular friend. he's not really my friend, i met him from my bf. so die kawan bf. lol. neway i miss hanging out with him ( i really do ) but yelah he have his own problems. but i dont know..wahts up with him. i feel sad everytime i think bout him. maybe he doenst think yun and me his friends, i dunno. he's a nice guy and i hope.. in the future, we can hangout again..
i think i fucked up things pretty bad
and it involve with a lot of guys
and the only thing i know what to do is WHINE.
dont you think so?
so pretty much no mood and urgh i had enuf actually..fighting with bf..
and i bought my lil sis along and its like..maybe slalu sgt fighting with her in the middle.
but seriously..maybe i think me and yun need sum space or sumthing. and i though by smsing my friend whould make me feel better but even he ..umm..sulk. im sorry!!! (if u read this, im really sorry)
so yeah i think im a trouble maker.sheesh.
about my college.. i havent study yet for paper I and II (CAT) and supposely i study today tp look here i am in front of the computer. bout my friend, guy A. we kinda left him out and another girl-classmate said im too harsh on him.seriously, shes not in my position, she doesnt know, and im not in her position, i dont know la kan whats her problem. everytime when he's (guy A ) around i feel annoyed but when he's not around, i feel kinda im tooo harsh (which i am) on him. ntah la.. i dont know what to do. too much problems here in my head.
And i kinda miss one of my particular friend. he's not really my friend, i met him from my bf. so die kawan bf. lol. neway i miss hanging out with him ( i really do ) but yelah he have his own problems. but i dont know..wahts up with him. i feel sad everytime i think bout him. maybe he doenst think yun and me his friends, i dunno. he's a nice guy and i hope.. in the future, we can hangout again..
i think i fucked up things pretty bad
and it involve with a lot of guys
and the only thing i know what to do is WHINE.
dont you think so?
Sunday, January 27, 2008
urghhhhhhhh
i had sum huge arguments with my bf since last week and when it cool down pastu jadi bende lain pulak problem nyer. i feel so friggin stress this week cuz of my own problems plus other people's prob too. i yelled at my mum and i know its my fault. i already said sorry,im sooooo impatient this week. anout guy A.. i really dont know what to say. i already said to him that whateva it is, we settle tomorrow (MONDAY) but he's like dont understand. i feel like yelling at him. im being too harsh on him.he knows tp entah la.. i dunno what to say. i felt like smaking him. he kept asking too much question and even tho i give the same answer he kept asking me until i CAPS LOCK the words then he understood what i was trying to say. he even wanted to come down to kajang and see me today but i said i wanna stay at home.i know im being tooo harsh on him. but the reason why he wanted to see me cuz he wanted to talk bout this thing which i said SETTLE IT ON MONDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. AND its like so obvious that he likes our friend, and also my friend in KPTM. its like.. really obviouslah..
well today i went to kuchai road and umm look at a car which my dad's friend want to get rid of it. its an old saga car, prolly like 10 years old and its for cheap. and my sis ingat nak mark-up abit and sell it to the enegineers or rent it to the engineers and at the same time let me use it. well, at least i have a ride,if kak mel give a green light. the final decision is on tuesday.lol. but its and old carrrrrrrrrrrrrr. kan rosak tgh jalan mampus aku hoho. >P
well today i went to kuchai road and umm look at a car which my dad's friend want to get rid of it. its an old saga car, prolly like 10 years old and its for cheap. and my sis ingat nak mark-up abit and sell it to the enegineers or rent it to the engineers and at the same time let me use it. well, at least i have a ride,if kak mel give a green light. the final decision is on tuesday.lol. but its and old carrrrrrrrrrrrrr. kan rosak tgh jalan mampus aku hoho. >P
Saturday, January 26, 2008
the gig
today, actually there is 2 gig. 1 is at taman shamelin (dekat ajew dgn kptm) and the other one is at mcpa and so i decided to go to skizo,taman shamelin with my kptm friend, Adi from sabah and my bf. so actaully i wanted to see oh chentaku perform la kan. there's sum pics.sikit ajew tp still got sum pics.
there was not many people showed up for the gig. and the air conditioner was broken so its like a hell's party. i wanted to stay for y2k but the gig habis kul 9 like that and i was tired already so i left at 7. anyway..oh chentaku was perfoming acustic style. but they rock the house. when oh chentaku perform,somehow, the room is crowded with people. sorry for the other bands cuz they did not have that mch fans. ok idk what to say anymore.
so here are the pics
before the gig starts.lepak at mamak makan with my bf
this is my friend, Adi from Sabah. =)
oh chentaku jamm
oh chentaku perfoming acustic. they perform 2 venue in 1 day. in skizo n mcpa
jump-jump
lepak jap
tgh layan laaa
mosh-mosh
picture time with oh chentaku =DD [thats me.lol.haha]
my bf and adi kodak moment with oh chentaku.
support local music yaw.
there was not many people showed up for the gig. and the air conditioner was broken so its like a hell's party. i wanted to stay for y2k but the gig habis kul 9 like that and i was tired already so i left at 7. anyway..oh chentaku was perfoming acustic style. but they rock the house. when oh chentaku perform,somehow, the room is crowded with people. sorry for the other bands cuz they did not have that mch fans. ok idk what to say anymore.
so here are the pics
before the gig starts.lepak at mamak makan with my bf
this is my friend, Adi from Sabah. =)
oh chentaku jamm
oh chentaku perfoming acustic. they perform 2 venue in 1 day. in skizo n mcpa
jump-jump
lepak jap
tgh layan laaa
mosh-mosh
picture time with oh chentaku =DD [thats me.lol.haha]
my bf and adi kodak moment with oh chentaku.
support local music yaw.
complicated
i thought when i enter kptm, things will be fine and not like uitm.seriously,maybe i should think twice.my head is heavy now. tired and dizzy thinking about other people's problem. how did i got into this mess anyway? we just started to know for 2 weeks and this problem is like we've known for like 2 months least! this problem is too complicated until i myself dunno where to begin. i try to short it out as short as i can (i kan suke bercerita.haha)
ok. This particular guy (A) friend of mine whom we met since day1 is having sum kinda of misunderstanding from guy (B) guy (C) dan guy (D). This Three guys B,C,D is staying togerher in hostel thus they are bond easily. So they share their secret together and they made it clear not to tell anyone. So guy A felt left out, because he told his story and he wants to know the secret of guy C by poking guy B. understand x?imsuck at telling stories. huhu anyway.. guy A kept asking guy B to tell and guy B had enuf of guy A. so is guy C and D. so this where the problem starts! haha. so guy B is told guy A he is 2-sided-face (talam-2-muka) and he ask him to buzz off. guy B msg me that and i forward to guy A since guy B ask me to do it. after that i think he settle by his own.
anyway..Guy A took it the harrrrrrrrddddddd way.he kept poking me to ask why guy B said that and i dont even fucking know. maybe its my fault cuz i making things difficult. maybe i told vuy B about guy A and he misundersttod me? not so sure. but we are going to have a BIG TALK on monday and clear everything out. urghhh.... pening kepalaku. sakit.mcm migrain pun ade la jugak.
Actually Guy A is a bit annoying cuz he ask too much question and sumtimes x kena masa. espesially when he sms. its like a never ending story sms-ing with him. he got to ask every single thing. which IS annoying. and i know how guy B C D felt. thing is, guy A's parents died long time ago.so i kinda much pitty him. I already talk to guy B and umm..i guess he kinda didnt like guy A.
abother thing is, guy A msg me that (just before this problem start to get serious) he didnt have much friends and the friend that he felt "close" to is with guy B.
so.its a complicated story.im posting a new blog about m gig.haha
ok. This particular guy (A) friend of mine whom we met since day1 is having sum kinda of misunderstanding from guy (B) guy (C) dan guy (D). This Three guys B,C,D is staying togerher in hostel thus they are bond easily. So they share their secret together and they made it clear not to tell anyone. So guy A felt left out, because he told his story and he wants to know the secret of guy C by poking guy B. understand x?imsuck at telling stories. huhu anyway.. guy A kept asking guy B to tell and guy B had enuf of guy A. so is guy C and D. so this where the problem starts! haha. so guy B is told guy A he is 2-sided-face (talam-2-muka) and he ask him to buzz off. guy B msg me that and i forward to guy A since guy B ask me to do it. after that i think he settle by his own.
anyway..Guy A took it the harrrrrrrrddddddd way.he kept poking me to ask why guy B said that and i dont even fucking know. maybe its my fault cuz i making things difficult. maybe i told vuy B about guy A and he misundersttod me? not so sure. but we are going to have a BIG TALK on monday and clear everything out. urghhh.... pening kepalaku. sakit.mcm migrain pun ade la jugak.
Actually Guy A is a bit annoying cuz he ask too much question and sumtimes x kena masa. espesially when he sms. its like a never ending story sms-ing with him. he got to ask every single thing. which IS annoying. and i know how guy B C D felt. thing is, guy A's parents died long time ago.so i kinda much pitty him. I already talk to guy B and umm..i guess he kinda didnt like guy A.
abother thing is, guy A msg me that (just before this problem start to get serious) he didnt have much friends and the friend that he felt "close" to is with guy B.
so.its a complicated story.im posting a new blog about m gig.haha
Saturday, January 19, 2008
2nd post
hello. actually. i dont know what to say. i keep it short la ok
i already finished my orentation on thursday and it was ok la cuz rapat dgn faci.hehe
well anyway, on friday we had to go to college and submit our mara loan stuff.then later we hang out at jusco maluri.hehe...
today(sat) i just sit at home.then at 4 i went and wash my hair at saloon cuz my cousin is having her wedding at the hotel. Patricia is my cousin name. Patricia De Costa. his dad is my dad;s older bro. my dad is 69 and his bro is 71. figure it out la. neway they had it in PJ hilton and ku pening because music too loud and i didnt have the mood and all. urgh im thinking bout financial.well anyway the food was super duper awesome!!neway, bout financial... I cant alwyas depend on mum. you see, im going back and forth from college to m y home in kajang so yeah i do need money to travel by train. (have to travel by 2 train) if my father send me then FOC la.haha. well anyway.. i confused. should i work ovet the weekend to support myself? cuz actually, i want to go to gigs more often. and then buy more cool shirts and not to mention,belajar main drum (bass lah) and..... a camera.
huh.
yeah im babling to much.pffth
i already finished my orentation on thursday and it was ok la cuz rapat dgn faci.hehe
well anyway, on friday we had to go to college and submit our mara loan stuff.then later we hang out at jusco maluri.hehe...
today(sat) i just sit at home.then at 4 i went and wash my hair at saloon cuz my cousin is having her wedding at the hotel. Patricia is my cousin name. Patricia De Costa. his dad is my dad;s older bro. my dad is 69 and his bro is 71. figure it out la. neway they had it in PJ hilton and ku pening because music too loud and i didnt have the mood and all. urgh im thinking bout financial.well anyway the food was super duper awesome!!neway, bout financial... I cant alwyas depend on mum. you see, im going back and forth from college to m y home in kajang so yeah i do need money to travel by train. (have to travel by 2 train) if my father send me then FOC la.haha. well anyway.. i confused. should i work ovet the weekend to support myself? cuz actually, i want to go to gigs more often. and then buy more cool shirts and not to mention,belajar main drum (bass lah) and..... a camera.
huh.
yeah im babling to much.pffth
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
my 1st post
Actually, to tell you the truth, i started this blog like last year.or its already been 2 years?haha. well, its actually suppose to be my secret blog.. and i didnt know that i can hide that blog.silly huh? so i have 5 secret post.ala nothing much la. xde ape2 pown. membebel aje manjang.. =) so. i will try my very best to update this blog everyday and to include picture's. =DDD
Well anyway. now i'm studying at KPTM (Kolej Poly-Tech MARA) at Taman Shamelin, Cheras. And i choose to travel back and forth everyday from Semenyih/Kajang (where i stay)
anyway, i love to crap alot.so sorry yeah -_-;;
anyway, i love to crap alot.so sorry yeah -_-;;
enjoy your day.
&&&&&&&&&
I LOVE YOU AYUN!!!
muuuaxxxxx
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