Sunday, February 22, 2009

the days

i hate feeling sick. sick means i have to stay home, sick means i cant go out, sick meaning no freedom practically.

And i am sick. i still have to take care of esla thought. And thank god for amy's laptop. i'm beginning to feel like smacking the CPU cuz the internet connection too slow. stupid uh.

ok i dont know what to write cuz im kinda blur, with this headache and cold. *sigh*

kak jackie just came back from south africa and she buy me this really cute [althougth simple] bracelet. better than nothing huh

gah.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

the morning coffee

When i was young, i used to smell the morning coffee that my mum made everyday..
The morning coffee just reminds me how innocent and naive i was when i was young, even there was a lot of problems, some how its just seems so far, and seems so small.

Now that my parents doesnt drink coffee anymore, i miss the smell.
The smell of my innocent,my naive time.

Now im going to be 21. 21 is like, adult. and still i have a lot of problems. Accidents, boyfriends, studies. problems after problems. and being me, i just would like to push these problems aside, but in the end they will haunt me again and again

The accident and the feelings make me back to square 1. It feels that i never done anything from last year until now, like i never improve abit in myself. I feel im back to whatever that makes me feel like shits.

I cried after the accident not because i hit another car, but because of this root. MONEY. Not everything in life is for free.. and Money is the root of all evil people say. People would steal for money, would do anything for money. Somehow i feel that way. Im not going to steal, rob, sell my body or sell drugs to get money. No no no. But i have to work for it. and work is hard.All i can work is to become a promoter. And all i get is just shits. Seriously,i have to have a sweet mouth to attact people to buy whatever product that i have to sell. And i'm just the kind of girl thats too honest, i should put it that way

I never give a thought of what people might say to me. But within my family members whatever they say its just like..it counts. every say, it counts.

Now im feeling suckish cuz i have to find money to cover up the holes. some are big and some are small, but a hole is still a hole. you cant live in a house where they are holes everywhere and u try to avoid it. Well It doesnt, for me.

I missed of the morning coffee. I used to be so free, so innocent, so naive, never have to think of problems, especially when problems come running to me.

Life is such a bitch.

And i have to suck it up.Like always

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

over-reacted

Ok i maybe overreacted about yesterday.
I admit the accident is partly my fault.
But it wasnt my intention to hit the car.
Who wants too,
Plus the lady is a bit retard too. opps.
sorry i said that but i still think she is

So today my plan is to claim insurance
grr. i have to go to the government clinic.
maybe i can get rm100?

whatever it is, i want to settle it

Maybe i can get some part time job *this is what i hate for the moment being. i dont want to work* or maybe sell some of my stuff.. wait.. what stuff do i have?
ok forget about it. i just wait for the moment to take its course

I LEARN A LESSON.
That everybody is not nice as they might have seen
The first time i hit a car it was an indian. I was so scared he might hit me but he's as sweet as he can be.Gentleman.
The seond was a chinese girl and i think she might have known that i was in a deep shit because she see me i just cant stop crying
And the yesterday accident, was a malay lady, wearing a long "tudung" and she can lose her temper at me. from all these people, i expected the malay lady would be calm.guess i was wrong

IT just shows that people have different personalities
And all people are not as nice as they may seems
and not as helpful as it may seems

And god, in a way just want to show me this i guess.

I was so happy doing the camping plan,thinking that i want to give back to the community, i felt so good about myself, felt so proud what im going to do, but then, BAM, i felt miserable the next.

colour

Do u know there's this ring, that can change colour if ur emotion change? well i dont need ring to figure out mine, or anyone else would agree with me too

white is when i feel peace and serene
black is when i feel down
blue is when i feel sensitive
yellow is when i feel joyful
peach is when i feel cheeky
red is when i feel fierce
green is when i feel soothing
noen green / blue is when i feel energetic
grey is when i feel like crying
purple is when i feel energetic

this the day i feel all coulour together just mixed up.
Yesterday i help around with ayun's project and proposal. nothing much but just make out lousy work and comment bout the stupid budget report.
Even so,
yesterday i felt happy and alive. I made a whole timetable for a camp. Well i wish i can call it my camp. But its just an idea of what i feel what a camp should be, even wrote down the hours and the activities and such. But this might not be my camp. It's KLMU upcoming SIFE and GEW camp.


[i really wanna make it short. Well i join KLMU and UiTM camp from SIFE and GEW on 13th to 15th Febuary 2009. I had a blast even though people might call it lousy, i even experince the first time orang kena histeria you. And the project manager would like to do it again so i just had a n idea here and there so i scribble it down and see who knows it might work]

well i had a lot of ideas.. even so they might edit it, to improve camp of course. Even so i just like to see the upcoming events.

ok continue.. well i was happy to write down all my idea's and help ayun around till i reach home at 3.30 am. I felt tired like hell but im so happy. Even 3 hours of sleep is was more than enough for me. I felt giddy at college, suddenly i just fel so energize and talk3.

cut the story short.

i had a minor accident [what.the.fish? what.the.hal? what.the.star???????la kan.. dah brape kali aisyah accident ni]. Its not like i intent to break and langgar die. first. i was in the right lane. MOTORBIKE LANE IS ON THE FAR LEFT PEOPLE. I WAS IN MY FREAKING LANE. This car was a bit to close to the side, its ok i understand that she wants to turn to masuk sunway semenyih what the fuck me too la kan. then the bike in front of me like..swift abit. I suddently realise that there was sand and stones on the far left of the road. FOR GOD SAKE I TRY TO BREAK SLOW BUT THE SAND JUST CAUGHT MY TYPE. for all dont know, IM USING A SCOOTER. and scooter have a WIDE TYRE. so my tyre "eat" alot of the sand, so i fell, and I DID TRY TO TURN TO THE OTHER SIDE so i wont hit the car BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. so.. i scratch the car.

Ok i take the fauly i langgar her.
FIRST. i did not intend too
SECOND she didnt want to admit she was a bit too near to the left
THIRD the car that i hit got 2 3 cars infront of her, its not like shes turning soon, so next time STAY FAR AWAY FROM THE LEFT SIDE AS U POSSIBLY CAN. PEOPLE READ THIS AND REMIND YOURSELF
FORTHBila dah kena accident, bila keluar daripada kereta, sila jangan marah dulu boleh x. Aku bukan budak hingusan first time kena accident. Indian and Chinese dont fuss like u malay kampung la mak cik. kete kena scratch sikit pun nak bagi tahu satu kampung ke?
FIFTHsah2 mak cik ni takot dgn aku mase aku bukak mulot ok. terus menggigil tangan die.. lain kali baik2 la sikit makcik.
SIX Remind myself to cut my licence and never ask me to drive again.






before i nag too much or add in too much information. i should stop here.
thank you.