Everybody Loves Irene- pit

this is the best to describe my feelings right now.
the part said "She said everything is just a fantasy." is the best to decribe. even thought
everything feels a fantasy, but i know this is reality
and reality, its sucks.thats why i need a fantasy for me to survive...


Something wrong with me.
Can you help me please.
Its gloomy everywhere
I only sit and i stare.

I cant say anything
i cant do anything.
Something i dont know.
Shoot me like an arrow.

She said everything is just a fantasy.
But i need it to set me free.
I know it hurts but im addicted.
Should i leave u when u make me complete.

and now i'm trapped inside the box
now i'm trapped inside the box

i know it hurts but i cant stop,
i know it hurts but i cant stop,
i know it hurts but i cant stop,
i know it hurts but i cant.....


STOP!

sya is shi.sha.ing

picturessssssssssss





of me and ayun shisha
wohoo.

petrol

ok i cant really understand what the government is doing now.is confusing..first of all when the petrol prices shoot up everybody lining up to the petrol station,and not to mention the line is like friggin long, then everybody voice out their "satisfactions" and all. seriously, we Malaysian are really manja. we want everything cheap, the best is free lah, kan?

i always disagreeing government subsidies so much for petrol, because it feel that the rich will get the benefits too. what about poor people who cant afford cars and only can naik bus and train? equally, i feel that the subsidies money is better to spend on making low cost houses and such. plus, i feel government should subsides more on food, because everybody will buy and eat kan? like rice, flour etc
*sigh*

also i think its toooooooooooo much cars in KL. sum times can stuck in the jam for hours and we malaysian are not patient enough, everybody wants to go fast and all.
seriously they should naikkan balik the petrol price so that people wont go out alot with cars.hehe

but then i kinda hate people who starting to use public transportation. last year,whenever i want to go to kl, there are not much people.. except for weekends. now, even weekdays, i feel like so lazy to go out because i know i'm going to get crammed up.. huh

but to be a malaysian, i am glad that the petrol price went down. i can isi minyak and go jalan jalan. lala

sick.sick.sick

i got sore throat yesterday,light headache and a really bad cold and today i feel like wanna pengsan aje.i went to college and did my test and when i was on my way home with train, i sleep all the way, and even when i got home i sleep for another 3 hours. seriously im blur.

i havent say anything about elsa, i dont have her pictures for the moment being. nanti i snap and upload.

oh talkning about it, i got a new phone. tadaaa..

as usuall i did not buy the phone, kak jackie gave this phone to me. She bought this phone in singapore, and too think she give me her N82 (that shes using now) *ehem* im deraming on.maybe i should lost this phone..maybe she might.. ohh aisyah please stop thinking mengarut.

now all i could think off in my head is demam demam demam. i should not think of it, i feel much better after a lovely bath just now.
oh well.
should i go out tonight?
hurmmmmmm

im ok

I came to realise what i did is stupid and wrong, and i am ashamed of myself.
I am very sorry to all if i caused you trouble, and worry you
I guess i let my emotions took me.
For now i wont use my phone, maybe i retrieve my sim back tomorrow.
Actually im just using a crappy phone, which i cant call people (or people call me) cuz the speaker rosak.
(well, i baling this phone too last time)
Seriously, i need to go to an anger management programme
Or maybe i should see a psychiatrist to "fix" me up

Ayun was so patient with me, i always let him down, but he is always here beside me. Im so grateful i have a wonderful and patient boyfriend like ayun.If i were him, seriously i could not take my own attitude.

I know i am not suppose to write anything personal in blog, but i just want people to know and learn a lesson from me, NEVER do it.

like tsha said in the sms (and sha, u make cry,tau. but thanks, love u so much)

"Sya,god give us things we cant handle,no matter how hard it is. Hes just testing us,and you have to know that this is world,there are 2 types of people. to be ruled or to overruled. people who choose to listen and people who doesnt.by listening,it doesnt mean to hear aje, but to also apply,and improve. This world isnt about you or me je. Life is hard and maybe when you did that you feel that its the right thing to do during that time.but u have others to consider. alot of people care for u. What would happen to ur family and friends if ur gone?it wont make their life easier sya. Dont let us down,dont do stupid things. Kesian ayun tu sya, Think of him,and us if not ur family.dont u ever do that again.give it a thought..."

so yeah, now i feel bad and stupid. but most of all, i feel so guilty...

yeah

life sucks. kill me

reality

i think i need help.

yesterday,
i swollowed 4 depression pills( for 8 intakes) and i went to sleep around 3 or 4. when i woke up i cant even walk straight..today, i cant remeber anything, except me punching the wall, my fingers got kepit at the car doors, and trying to jump from a building * i cant recall, ayun said it*

i hate being controlled by people. i whish i have enought money to find my own place and to liwe a new life. im always crying, always streesing. my parents put pressure on me and more stress after Elsa is born. i am happy that elsa is here, but i cant take more, all the nagging and all.

i even threw my phone out of the car.so now im not using any handphone.i lost everybody;s contact nummber, and i dont care. i wish ican run somewhere and being "unkown"

ayun is here to keep me company, he's here when i was so high to remember what i did. i just read his smses that he msg to my and his friends to know whats going on.
guess i wa being an asshole yesterday

maybe the world is not meant for me