Reminiscing

Reminiscing about my old life,


I miss the eyelinear
I miss the black clothes
I miss being messy and dont really care about shit of what people are talking about

Now all that is changed. Feel like an adult now.

Yes i am an adult now

Im starting to carry the burden on my shoulder (and yes giving a hell of a back ache too)
Im thinking about marriage. Thinking of starting a family. Thinking of having children
Thinking of buying new house, car, bike.
Thinking about money(and tend to fight about this too)

Where are the good old days,
Am i too young to feel this way?
22 and still wants to enjoy life before she missed out

Raya

This year not so much feeling for Raya, even i have 5 days off from work

Sitting here in front of my sister's laptop, writing this down what it's in my mind

I told ayun yesterday i never regret that i met him
Today i felt that i wish i could turn back time and just never met him

or

I wish i had a really bad accident and when i woke up i forgot him totally forever and ever

I am STILL the worst girlfriend ever. At times i never appreciate him and kept yelling at him.

It used to be, when i see him face i would just forget about everything and smile
The warm fuzzy feeling that i had before is gone now
If i have a bad day it remains that i have a bad day, with or without him

Ayun has been so patient with me all this while.

I wish i can stop this. I wish i have the courage to tell him to get out of my life, cuz i dont deserve such a wonderful guy like him

sleepless

Lately im having trouble of sleeping. Too much late nights till morning is my sleeping time. its 6 am as im writing this and im trying hard to survive the day so i can sleep at night, like normal again.

yesterday was like heaven. I havent seen dawn in a very, very long time. even thought my dawn is kl view, but i reminds me why im so blessed to be alive. riding the bike with ayun, riding back to our place in the middle of the morning rush, even though we do not speak, but i felt the "romance"

R.O.M.A.N.C.E

i havent felt that in a very long time. I dont really feel the passionate love between me and ayun anymore. The feeling that we, or i felt before. The feeling where he brush his hand gently to mine can make me fall. But now, every touch is normal. every kiss is not special anymore. I guess in the long run coming to 7 years of relationship can dry things up.

He's been pretty close to a girl, which i have no idea who she is,all i have is her name and i viewed her photos in ayuns FB. i dont ask much as always. Is he trying to make me jealous? Am i jealous?

Do you watch Desperate Housewife?
There's a character in Desperate housewife. Lynette Scavo.Out of all the women in Desperate Housewife, i can relate to her the most. I see me as her. Working hard, working my best, trying to please everyone but me. Countless sacrifices to the husband so they could be happy. But she always not happy. Always not satisfied. Thats me.

Thats how i feel right now.

a year +

a year passed since my last post. can you imagine it, a year just gone away.

A year full of emo-ness, my ups and down.

and i dont know where to start.