the moment

Have you ever felt, that you had a problem, but you dont know whats the problem?
I feel that way

Most of my life i felt so depressed.
Even when i was a kid i felt the pang of loneliness.
I was the outcast, people bully me around
I didnt know how to stand up for myself.
I dint have a "voice" back then, i just cry and wept it away.
I was always sick, didnt have much friends and the friends that i have takes advantage of me, staling my things, because i can always get expensive notebook..well not expensive but at least most of my schoolmate cant afford it

When i was a kid i thought i was an adult, because the pain, the feelings that i felt, maybe only one in fifty kids felt it back then.. they dont have to see their parents fighting mostly everyday, they dont have to see the tears of their mother crying and grieving.And i was always sick, i always felt needy of someone. I didnt have any friends, and when i grow up i felt desperate. and when im an adult now, i felt that im stuck in a kid life. [ mcm cerita benjamin buttons je? ]

Now i have Ayun. He is the best lover and a friend i will ever have. I can never have someone to bitch about anything, he likes to bitch with me, and he likes to listen to my lousy and long story, he likes to make me laugh even thought i was crying. I always cry. I asked ayun when he was a kid, did he felt the pang of loneliness.. he said yes.. because his parents was always not around. Ayun and i, are like total opposite world of life, but we share almost the same feelings. And we share mostly everything we have, our stories, our life, our money etc.

I am a very emotional girl. But i am also very passionate. I am passion about the things that i like, the things that i see, the things that i love.

When the feelings, the loneliness feelings come again, i just say "hello, welcome back." it doesnt matter now, most of the time i try to ignore, but sometimes, i just welcome it to my heart, and cry my tears out.

So this is stories about me, mostly in my blog are boring, crappy depressing-stories of me.


gah