Monday, January 12, 2009

its not like what u think

There's this girl who grew up in a rural area, and growing up she knows she's different from anyone else.
Her mum always talk in cantonese, even though she doesnt know the words.
she talks with her parents in english, and
she always talk with her other people in malay. whats up with this languages, she use to think.
.Growing up she was always sick, with asthma and she was always hospitalized,
and she remeber the days she was too sick to go to school, often up in the hospital gasping for air.
always eat alot of pills to make breath properly.She never had much friends,
so she always stay at home, reading books, to keep her company. she's a cry baby. She always cry.
She have a diary,and she wrote all her heart in her diary, every moment that she likes and hates,
the crush on boys she had on, the friends who back stab her, and her life in loneliness.

She always dream of a world, a world where she have friends, who laugh and make jokes, not at her,
not at anyone else, but about things that can just make her happy. She wishes silently that her parents stop
fighting, she couldnt bare the yelling and the shouting,she felt hurt inside. Althought at day in school you might
see her smiling and laughing away,but beneath her mask, she's always crying.

Growing up, she alwyas have to go back and forth from Terengganu-KL, she never understand much why her mother
always have to go to her friends house to sell Batik, why her mum needed extra money.All the yelling and
fighting in the car, she felt so helpless, so weak that she couldnt stop the fight. SOmetimes she wished that
she die, her existance would make no more than trouble in this world. She wished her parents were separated, never
even had a chance to met her. She would be happier if her parents never had her. But she never think what of her
parents might think.

people barely notice her,as if she was blend in to the wall, and she, as hard as she try, she will never
get though. As if she was in the dark, searching for the slightest light, a dim light, so she know she wont be alone.
So she wonders in the dark, searching and searching for the light in front of her, she never look back, and strange
enough the light was behind her, following..

she would always be black. One day her mother bought books, the true ghost singapore
stories, and she fell in love. Vampire was her most favourite, such a misterious creature, who hunts blood. She
began to bought books of vampires, of old stories of them, and she reads. She wanted to become one herself. Not
for eternity, just so she can have the pale skin, the fangs, and people would fear of her. Yes she'd like that. Of
people fear of her. She lived in her fantasies. but in reality, people bullied her. she tried her best to stand
up for herself, but always she failed miserably.
So that, she started to wear black, started to know goth and went online all for the wrong reason. she was
finding love, desperate for it.

ok fine i ran out ideas how to write about younger me.

i'm not angelic, but im not a devil
i'm not faithful,but that doesnt mean i dont love Allah
i never ask, but i always get
and what i ask, i'll never get
some people trust,some people dont
some forgive and forget, and some forgive and never forget
i make mistakes, so do you.
i'm just a human, just like you


licketysplit said...

awww sya,
here's a short note for the little girl. maybe the light is always there, and u never see it because you're blindfolded by the darkness all the time. Maybe you should take a peek at it and really see, cos you see things if you wish really hard for it. Your mother works hard for the money, to raise u up and feed u, and no u shouldn't feel guilty for that, because it is her responsibility for she chose to let u into this world. And life is never a nice place, but think of all the more less-fortunate people, the innocents who would be more than happy to have a bowl of rice? Oh how lucky you are compared to them. Don't ever lose hope, it's a common phrase I know, but believe in it, magic does exist. Believe in it as much as you believe in your world of make-believe, like vampires and such. They can be true you know ;P

Ice-SYa said...

sha this is not edward-twilight-vamp kinda thing im talking here XP hehe love u sha. thanks being so u lots